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Wednesday, 30 July 2008

  • Sexuality is such a strange thing

    Why must we be defined by who we love (or who we may want to love)?
    Can we not just follow our hearts then just call it a day?

    So this inevitable all leads me to the question that everyone at one point or another has asked themselves... what is love?
    It has been said that it is a strong feeling that can't be defined.
    Well if it can't be defined, why are do people defining it with the word love?
    I (think I..) fell in love twice. I could describe the very feeling to you,
    but it would take a million pages for me to spell it all out.
    It's a funny feeling to feel so strongly about one person
    then suddenly not feel anything at all.

Monday, 30 June 2008

  • a childhood lesson

    growing up...

    it's a long standing rule that jumping on the bed was forbidden. jumping on the bed with shoes on... now that was a death sentence.

    before entering my house it is expected that my guests take their shoes off.
    most of my asian guest instinctively know this.
    some others... do not.
    they will scoff, smirk, protest, and pout.
    but eventually all will comply.

    on a recent eventful day, a self-invited guest ventured into the unknown and decided to ignore my long standing rule.
    i winced painfully.
    before i got a chance to say anything, i witnessed her prancing around in her dirty sandals...
    on my clean polished hardwood floors.
    i winced in pain again.

    i politely asked her to take her dirty sandals off.
    she rebutted me.
    i was then graced with a lecture about how americans do not take their shoes off when entering the house.
    this is not asia and how rude it was to impose ethnic customs upon one's guests.

    in my humble home your feet won’t collect remnants of the outside world or darken with each step.
    my floors are pristine and polished, so much so you wouldn’t need to look hard for your reflection.

    dirtiness aside, i was more distributed by her lack of respect than her unwillingness to oblige.

    if jumping on someone’s bed with shoes on is a death sentence, what is this?

Saturday, 07 April 2007

  • in relationships, i rebel. i play chase.

    i act like im not listening. i avoid situations. i hold grudges. i run.

    my communication skills are poor. i always have to win. i challenge the patience of others. test their boundaries. and question loyalty.

    ive denied myself from commitment- yet i demand it.

    ive developed some pretty bad habits over the years. ive used these methods as ways to defend myself. and until now, ive realized- that these habits have perpetually torn apart each and every one of my relationships.

    but other than that. im perfect. jk.

    if everyone was like me, no one would be friends. im deeply appreciative of the ones that have stuck by me. ones that call me out of the blue.

    and of course, ones that show they care by listening.

Sunday, 12 November 2006

Friday, 25 August 2006

  • Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

    Neil Gaiman

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